I need to write. I need to get things done. I need to polish my plants, talk to my cat, take my kettle for a walk, teach dogs how to walk.

Yeah. I need to wash other people's hands. I need to demolish a rainbow and shoot a unicorn and leave to bleed to death. That's what heroes do, right? That's what losers do. Same shot but different.

I need to lose some of that attitude. And gain two more pant sizes and grow less furry and reconstruct those whiskers.

Maybe I really need to wipe that grin off your face. Maybe I should read a book. Maybe tomatoes won't grow if you don't make a wish first. And fish never honk their horns and they never have any car insirance either.

There is a lot of love all clogged up into lumps of inconsistent spacial adverbials and uncountable nouns.

I need a gun. Some peas and a frigging ocean of Kleenex and Q-tips and some Eggos to go along with that new scarf I got at Mark's and Spencer's.

Do you hear me though?
You probably should not have read this.

this morning I wpke up with bits of a dream left in my memory...

in my dream I was talking to my mom (who passed away earlier this year, and whom I had not talked to for a decade). I was explaining how I see things and she noded, she understood what I meant. Which felt wonderful, to be understood.

then my mom said: "if you take a symbol that signifies hawk on a ladder, abd then another symbol which signifies loneliness, what do you get if you add them together?"

the answer was: an egg.
It made such sense and yet I found the answer so surprising.

I have no idea what it means, do you?

when I can't stay asleep. And once half awake I know I can't stay in bed.
and sitting in the darkness in the livingroom for a while only makes it impossible.

Impossible to resist the urge in me to turn on the computer. And get on Xanga. No wait. I don't spend that muich time on Xanga these days. I'm lost in time and space and hooked on mind challenging games such as Farmville and Café World.

um.

other recent behavioral patterns of mine is to avoid contact with anyone even remotely related to me. Hey, I almost fainted when my niece left me a message sign post on Farmville...
Actually I didn't mean to ignore her, I just haven't figured out how to leave messages on Farmville. And to send her a PM seems too, too intimate.

Yee haaw.

Our cat is enjoying the lfie if her dreams. Around the clock outdoor access, around the vlock because she'll scream loudly if we're all alseep when she wants to go outside. And she's marked her little territory and chased off the other cats enough times to be able to spend time indoors sleeping peacefully. She loves sleeping in the laundry basket. Luckily it's almost never empty.